Living Open Handed

I hate having to justify myself or defend every word I say to people. I constantly temper my speech afraid of upsetting people. The last two days, I've had encounters with coworkers were I slipped- I bashed things in-line with cultural norms, said things that derailed whole conversations without thinking about what I meant to say before I said it. And man does the negativity seep in. I hate being misunderstood and I hate when people misunderstanding me leads to me wondering what they think of me. The worst part of it is that today's encounter specifically points to my faith. And instead of pointing to Christ, I tried to walk back what I said so I wasn't one of "those Christians." So now I'm left with 2 battles. Letting go of the fact that other people's opinions of me don't define my identity, and not replaying the situation in my head perpetuating my negative heart-mindset. Do I wallow... or do I give this self-doubt to the One who knows my heart an

Moving to Boston was probably the scariest and hardest thing I've done. It took me a long time to wrestle through what was happening in my heart and be able to step into this place where God has me (for now). Some of what I had to wrestle through here came up right before  we left. I realized that because I had known Indianapolis wasn't where we would settle down, I had unintentionally disengaged myself before I had even left. Yeah, I had friends... but only surface level. I didn't have a deep, accountable, bonded friendship. So when we came here and the only relationship I had was Nate, our marriage took a hit. I had no one to lean on here (except him, and there were things I wouldn't say; my lack of honesty was hard on both of us), and no one who missed me there to check in and stay connected. Three years later I realize this is a pattern. I am BAD at intentionally connecting with people in a deep way. I wait for people to reach out to me and that is selfish and they

I used to be able to say I didn't post political things on Facebook. Can't say that anymore. And even though there are so many things I'm passionate and knowledgable about, I feel helpless. As an older millennial, I get that Facebook is not the place for these conversations. But the problem is that's really the only place where I know people who (in my opinion) need to hear what I have to say; it's the only place where I'm comfortable to engage with people who engage with me. As a Christian, I'm called to engage wth my culture; to speak out against injustice, give a voice to the powerless. But more importantly, I'm also called to proclaim the amazing Good News of the gospel. And balance is hard, exhausting, and... scary. I'm realizing the Christianity has to be lived out to have any meaning. I can't just talk about the goodness of God when there are real things that need attention. I can't ignore injustice because truth is more important.

I am a Christian who voted for Hillary. Now that that's out of the way... I've noticed a growing disconnect between the way I was raised and the expectations for me. When I mentioned in passing to my mom that I had never voted for the person who became president, there was a pause. And when the question finally came, "You voted for Hillary?" there was something there I couldn't place. Surprise, sure... but something else. I've felt it this whole election cycle. Christians passionately and loudly came down on both sides. Listen, neither candidate was perfect, and neither exemplifies Biblical living perfectly. Now that that's out of the way... Here are my thoughts... here's why  I voted for her. 1. I was raised to be a thoughtful, caring and compassionate person. I was taught that my value does not come from the words people use to describe me (although that does show me the value they place on me). So when I hear a man who is runni

Walking with other commuters is one of the loudest quiets that exist. No one talks. No one. All you hear is the sound of dozens of feet on pavement, and maybe someone's music through their headphones. I live in one of the most unchurched cities in North America. Statistically, for every 5 people I meet, only 2 of them go to church regularly. The need for me to be Jesus is abundantly necessary. And yet... I say nothing. I can blame it on all sorts of things... I don't know what to say; asking a stranger how I can pray for them makes me sound crazy (or like I've been eavesdropping); they might not be a morning person; I'm not even sure they speak English; I'll never see this person again, so why does it matter? But I see the same eight or so people every day. And the truth? While all of those reasons are true, I'm scared of judgment and looking stupid. More than I'm scared of what could happen to the soul of the person I say nothing to. I wish I could say

"If you're offended by someone you aren't loving them by holding a grudge. Because you're allowing them to potentially hurt someone else the same way. You also aren't setting yourself up for success in relationships with other people by carrying it around." - From a friend, at our community group "But maybe God doesn’t have a name for each individual event that happens to us. He just calls it all good (Romans 8:28). Nothing in God’s will is isolated from the abundance He intends for us." -She Reads Truth; Advent 2015 Day 10 This year is already different than last year. Last year, I was trying to find a way to feel like myself again. Last year, I was stuck in unhealthy habits, physically and spiritually. But this year... I still have room for growth. God is showing me exactly what my sphere of influence is and how I need to function in it. I have been praying for God to put people into my life that need him. People who need me to show