Skip to main content

Worth the Chance

Originally I had planned on only posting when I had something to add to my 1000 Gifts list. But that would mean two things:

1. I could potentially go for a long time without posting anything
2. I would actually have to look for things to be grateful for...

And there it is. The hard part.

I can say so many times that I am a grateful person, and that I have so much to be grateful for. So making a list of 1000 things should be no problem (especially for an avid list maker such as myself).
And yet... this is only my second blog post, and it's been about two weeks.

In my Bible reading this week I was reading in Judges and came across a very hard verse. To put into context what's going on here, the Israelites have entered the promised land. And, with Joshua's help, they have driven out the occupants, started to settle the land, and are beginning to enjoy peace from God. Except... they haven't done so great with driving out the occupants. For any number of reasons (fear, lack of trust, lack of motivation, sheer disobedience...), they have left some of the other cultures untouched. So what does God say? "Because this nation has violated the covenant I ordained for their ancestors and has not listened to me, I will no longer drive out before them any of the nations Joshua left when he died. I will use them to test Israel and see whether they will keep the way of the Lord and walk in it as their ancestors did" (Judges 2:20b-22 (NIV), emphasis mine).

Whoa. Not, "I will rescue them as I did before." But also not, "I will totally destroy them for this wicked thing they've done." No! Instead, God says, "You know what you're supposed to do. So now I'm going to let you decide when, or if, you're going to do it."

I have been wrong in my thinking. Sometimes, when God is silent, it isn't approval, or anger, or me not asking the right way. Sometimes, that sin I keep running to (or from) is there to test me. To see if I will do what I know to do. Ouch- hard truth.

God. I'm sorry. I'm sorry that I know what to do and choose the easy and comfortable way. I know what to do, so give me the courage to do what you have taught me. And also, I'm sorry that it's easier to ignore your blessings than it is to look for them. Give me your eyes to see what you're doing for me. Thank you for all I don't acknowledge.

1000 Gifts:
1. The storm is fleeting
2. The chance to change

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

Let Go of Control

I hate having to justify myself or defend every word I say to people. I constantly temper my speech afraid of upsetting people. The last two days, I've had encounters with coworkers were I slipped- I bashed things in-line with cultural norms, said things that derailed whole conversations without thinking about what I meant to say before I said it. And man does the negativity seep in. I hate being misunderstood and I hate when people misunderstanding me leads to me wondering what they think of me. The worst part of it is that today's encounter specifically points to my faith. And instead of pointing to Christ, I tried to walk back what I said so I wasn't one of "those Christians." So now I'm left with 2 battles. Letting go of the fact that other people's opinions of me don't define my identity, and not replaying the situation in my head perpetuating my negative heart-mindset. Do I wallow... or do I give this self-doubt to the One who knows my heart an...

Getting In My Own Way

Moving to Boston was probably the scariest and hardest thing I've done. It took me a long time to wrestle through what was happening in my heart and be able to step into this place where God has me (for now). Some of what I had to wrestle through here came up right before  we left. I realized that because I had known Indianapolis wasn't where we would settle down, I had unintentionally disengaged myself before I had even left. Yeah, I had friends... but only surface level. I didn't have a deep, accountable, bonded friendship. So when we came here and the only relationship I had was Nate, our marriage took a hit. I had no one to lean on here (except him, and there were things I wouldn't say; my lack of honesty was hard on both of us), and no one who missed me there to check in and stay connected. Three years later I realize this is a pattern. I am BAD at intentionally connecting with people in a deep way. I wait for people to reach out to me and that is selfish and they...

Caught

I am a Christian who voted for Hillary. Now that that's out of the way... I've noticed a growing disconnect between the way I was raised and the expectations for me. When I mentioned in passing to my mom that I had never voted for the person who became president, there was a pause. And when the question finally came, "You voted for Hillary?" there was something there I couldn't place. Surprise, sure... but something else. I've felt it this whole election cycle. Christians passionately and loudly came down on both sides. Listen, neither candidate was perfect, and neither exemplifies Biblical living perfectly. Now that that's out of the way... Here are my thoughts... here's why  I voted for her. 1. I was raised to be a thoughtful, caring and compassionate person. I was taught that my value does not come from the words people use to describe me (although that does show me the value they place on me). So when I hear a man who is runni...