Living Open Handed

When Nate proposed, he gave me a gorgeous 3/4 carat round cut diamond. I have always received compliments for its look, and have been quick to respond, "Thanks, he did a great job." He picked it out himself, and had it inscribed with our shared initials NJV. The first time I took it for cleaning, they let me verify the inclusions with the jeweler's loop to ensure they matched the map on the certification sheet. Inclusions are the fancy jewelry term for flaws . Small black dots, lines and squiggles hang out in my diamond. Most aren't visible to the naked eye, but under certain light and at certain angles, I can see one in my ring. At first, it really bothered me. I felt like my diamond wasn't good enough, that Nate had been swindled by our jeweler (this happened to coincide with a string of trips to the jewelry store that left me bitter... maybe a post for another time), and hated that my perfect diamond wasn't perfect. Now after 7 years of being married, th...

Moving to Boston was probably the scariest and hardest thing I've done. It took me a long time to wrestle through what was happening in my heart and be able to step into this place where God has me (for now). Some of what I had to wrestle through here came up right before  we left. I realized that because I had known Indianapolis wasn't where we would settle down, I had unintentionally disengaged myself before I had even left. Yeah, I had friends... but only surface level. I didn't have a deep, accountable, bonded friendship. So when we came here and the only relationship I had was Nate, our marriage took a hit. I had no one to lean on here (except him, and there were things I wouldn't say; my lack of honesty was hard on both of us), and no one who missed me there to check in and stay connected. Three years later I realize this is a pattern. I am BAD at intentionally connecting with people in a deep way. I wait for people to reach out to me and that is selfish and they...

I am a Christian who voted for Hillary. Now that that's out of the way... I've noticed a growing disconnect between the way I was raised and the expectations for me. When I mentioned in passing to my mom that I had never voted for the person who became president, there was a pause. And when the question finally came, "You voted for Hillary?" there was something there I couldn't place. Surprise, sure... but something else. I've felt it this whole election cycle. Christians passionately and loudly came down on both sides. Listen, neither candidate was perfect, and neither exemplifies Biblical living perfectly. Now that that's out of the way... Here are my thoughts... here's why  I voted for her. 1. I was raised to be a thoughtful, caring and compassionate person. I was taught that my value does not come from the words people use to describe me (although that does show me the value they place on me). So when I hear a man who is runni...

Walking with other commuters is one of the loudest quiets that exist. No one talks. No one. All you hear is the sound of dozens of feet on pavement, and maybe someone's music through their headphones. I live in one of the most unchurched cities in North America. Statistically, for every 5 people I meet, only 2 of them go to church regularly. The need for me to be Jesus is abundantly necessary. And yet... I say nothing. I can blame it on all sorts of things... I don't know what to say; asking a stranger how I can pray for them makes me sound crazy (or like I've been eavesdropping); they might not be a morning person; I'm not even sure they speak English; I'll never see this person again, so why does it matter? But I see the same eight or so people every day. And the truth? While all of those reasons are true, I'm scared of judgment and looking stupid. More than I'm scared of what could happen to the soul of the person I say nothing to. I wish I could say ...

The title of my blog is "Living Open Handed." To me, this means being on the look out and paying attention to the blessings of God. It also means that I am not hanging onto them and selfishly keeping them for myself, but helping others notice them as well. As Christians, we cannot over simplify our beliefs. We cannot say that God's grace is only for us and those like us. We cannot dictate the terms of someone else's salvation. And that's a hard line...  We absolutely are called to lovingly help others see the sin in their lives. We absolutely are called to live like Jesus and obey His terms. But... we cannot say that someone's salvation is dependent on our approval. Because if we do that, we are no better than the Pharisees and their additions to the law. I am pro-life. I believe that all life is sacred and valued by God. I am positively heart broken over the millions of children that are murdered every year. I pray that God will change hearts and ...