Living Open Handed

When Nate proposed, he gave me a gorgeous 3/4 carat round cut diamond. I have always received compliments for its look, and have been quick to respond, "Thanks, he did a great job." He picked it out himself, and had it inscribed with our shared initials NJV. The first time I took it for cleaning, they let me verify the inclusions with the jeweler's loop to ensure they matched the map on the certification sheet. Inclusions are the fancy jewelry term for flaws . Small black dots, lines and squiggles hang out in my diamond. Most aren't visible to the naked eye, but under certain light and at certain angles, I can see one in my ring. At first, it really bothered me. I felt like my diamond wasn't good enough, that Nate had been swindled by our jeweler (this happened to coincide with a string of trips to the jewelry store that left me bitter... maybe a post for another time), and hated that my perfect diamond wasn't perfect. Now after 7 years of being married, th...

Moving to Boston was probably the scariest and hardest thing I've done. It took me a long time to wrestle through what was happening in my heart and be able to step into this place where God has me (for now). Some of what I had to wrestle through here came up right before  we left. I realized that because I had known Indianapolis wasn't where we would settle down, I had unintentionally disengaged myself before I had even left. Yeah, I had friends... but only surface level. I didn't have a deep, accountable, bonded friendship. So when we came here and the only relationship I had was Nate, our marriage took a hit. I had no one to lean on here (except him, and there were things I wouldn't say; my lack of honesty was hard on both of us), and no one who missed me there to check in and stay connected. Three years later I realize this is a pattern. I am BAD at intentionally connecting with people in a deep way. I wait for people to reach out to me and that is selfish and they...

I would love to be able to say that my job search is easier... but that would be a lie. This is so different from any other time I've had to look for a job. It's more competitive, and I just don't feel like I fit here. I send out application after application... and nothing. No interviews, no phone calls. Just the form email that says, "You along with several other applications were all considered. Unfortunately, you were not selected." I have had two interviews. One I wasn't excited about and one I was. And I am a countin'-chickens-before-they-hatch kind of girl... figuring out how to set up a room, planning lessons, imagining how I'll feel when I get "the call", how happy Nate will be... And the two good things that came from those two interviews just doesn't feel like enough anymore.  At the one I wasn't excited about, I received the nicest rejection email ever: "Just because you aren't a good fit for us, doe...