Skip to main content

Not Alone

Resonating- that feeling you get when someone says something that is exactly what you were thinking and didn't know for sure how to say it.

One of the hardest parts about moving to Boston was the feeling that I was in this alone. Yes, I had Nate, but that was it.* I struggled to connect to people at church and didn't feel like I fit in with my coworkers. I've realized now that a lot of it had to do with me and my unwillingness to connect. But it's hard to be 28 and move some place new and start over with new people.

Insecurity is something I have dealt with more and more as I get older. I think I always struggled with it, but it took moving away from all my friends and family for me to truly see how big of an issue it was for me. It's really easy for me to get bogged down and worried about how I come across and whether or not others like me... but that robs me. It robs my joy, self esteem, friendships, and my marriage. And I think God let me go through this to learn to lean harder and stronger on him. Do i still have days where I want to stay in bed and mope? Yes. But it's not every day, and you know what? It's. Ok.

And then I read this blog post by a good friend's wife. I hardly know her, but we are so much alike. Her writing is honest and real. My take away is that it's ok to feel how you feel. Read this and feel encouraged: Laura LaBeau- Soulfully Fed

*Let me be very clear- Nate was incredible during that time. He knew that something was wrong, but never pushed me to share more than I was comfortable. He prayerfully supported me through one of the toughest parts of my life so far. I can never be grateful enough for this man.


Labels:

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Flaws and All

When Nate proposed, he gave me a gorgeous 3/4 carat round cut diamond. I have always received compliments for its look, and have been quick to respond, "Thanks, he did a great job." He picked it out himself, and had it inscribed with our shared initials NJV. The first time I took it for cleaning, they let me verify the inclusions with the jeweler's loop to ensure they matched the map on the certification sheet. Inclusions are the fancy jewelry term for flaws . Small black dots, lines and squiggles hang out in my diamond. Most aren't visible to the naked eye, but under certain light and at certain angles, I can see one in my ring. At first, it really bothered me. I felt like my diamond wasn't good enough, that Nate had been swindled by our jeweler (this happened to coincide with a string of trips to the jewelry store that left me bitter... maybe a post for another time), and hated that my perfect diamond wasn't perfect. Now after 7 years of being married, th...
Post a Comment
Read more

Caught

I am a Christian who voted for Hillary. Now that that's out of the way... I've noticed a growing disconnect between the way I was raised and the expectations for me. When I mentioned in passing to my mom that I had never voted for the person who became president, there was a pause. And when the question finally came, "You voted for Hillary?" there was something there I couldn't place. Surprise, sure... but something else. I've felt it this whole election cycle. Christians passionately and loudly came down on both sides. Listen, neither candidate was perfect, and neither exemplifies Biblical living perfectly. Now that that's out of the way... Here are my thoughts... here's why  I voted for her. 1. I was raised to be a thoughtful, caring and compassionate person. I was taught that my value does not come from the words people use to describe me (although that does show me the value they place on me). So when I hear a man who is runni...
Post a Comment
Read more

Let Go of Control

I hate having to justify myself or defend every word I say to people. I constantly temper my speech afraid of upsetting people. The last two days, I've had encounters with coworkers were I slipped- I bashed things in-line with cultural norms, said things that derailed whole conversations without thinking about what I meant to say before I said it. And man does the negativity seep in. I hate being misunderstood and I hate when people misunderstanding me leads to me wondering what they think of me. The worst part of it is that today's encounter specifically points to my faith. And instead of pointing to Christ, I tried to walk back what I said so I wasn't one of "those Christians." So now I'm left with 2 battles. Letting go of the fact that other people's opinions of me don't define my identity, and not replaying the situation in my head perpetuating my negative heart-mindset. Do I wallow... or do I give this self-doubt to the One who knows my heart an...
Post a Comment
Read more