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Rolling Around in my Head

"If you're offended by someone you aren't loving them by holding a grudge. Because you're allowing them to potentially hurt someone else the same way.
You also aren't setting yourself up for success in relationships with other people by carrying it around." - From a friend, at our community group

"But maybe God doesn’t have a name for each individual event that happens to us. He just calls it all good (Romans 8:28). Nothing in God’s will is isolated from the abundance He intends for us." -She Reads Truth; Advent 2015 Day 10

This year is already different than last year. Last year, I was trying to find a way to feel like myself again. Last year, I was stuck in unhealthy habits, physically and spiritually.

But this year... I still have room for growth. God is showing me exactly what my sphere of influence is and how I need to function in it. I have been praying for God to put people into my life that need him. People who need me to show Jesus to them. And I hadn't noticed anything changing. Then, yesterday, I was suddenly convicted that I have changed jobs 3 times in the last year. That's three different school communities, three different groups of students, three different sets of colleagues. I have had an abundance of people in my sphere of influence, and honestly? I've wasted it. I've been so nervous, prideful, lazy, whatever, that I have missed opportunities to reach people in my words and my deeds. This year, I am going to be more proactive and less scared. More bold, and less lazy.

This year is also the first year I'm enjoying being in Boston. I've made some fantastic memories, and I have shown off my city to friends and family. But I also know that this city (probably) won't end up being home, having roots. And I don't want to do like I did in Indy, where I started to detach, instead of engage. Like She Reads Truth says: "He just calls it all good." No matter where we go, no matter where we live, we are still in a place to be blessed by God. We are not forgotten or abandoned, even when we have to be dragged kicking and screaming from what we think is God's best. This year, I want God's best, not my better.

I'm also working on being more present in my relationships. Seeking to have more encounters with my friends. Being more focused on my marriage. Connecting with people. Listening, talking less. Letting go of grudges I've held onto without realizing it, tricking myself into thinking that just because I haven't thought about it, that I've dealt with it, left it behind, and forgiven (not so much). Grace begins and ends with me. Forgiveness is mine to extend, regardless of if an apology is extended to me. I'm not hurt anymore, but calling it to mind and thinking about it isn't doing anything but slowly growing a seed of bitterness. Slowly eroding my confidence, and unsettling my spirit. This year, I will take thoughts captive- thoughts of doubt, bitterness, fear, disappointment, unmet expectations- and give them back to God as prayers for blessing, peace, and forgiveness.

Will you join me this year? Will you let God convict you and ultimately make you more like Him?

God help us to make this the year we meet you. Help us to live our best lives in you.





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