Living Open Handed

I hate having to justify myself or defend every word I say to people. I constantly temper my speech afraid of upsetting people. The last two days, I've had encounters with coworkers were I slipped- I bashed things in-line with cultural norms, said things that derailed whole conversations without thinking about what I meant to say before I said it. And man does the negativity seep in. I hate being misunderstood and I hate when people misunderstanding me leads to me wondering what they think of me. The worst part of it is that today's encounter specifically points to my faith. And instead of pointing to Christ, I tried to walk back what I said so I wasn't one of "those Christians." So now I'm left with 2 battles. Letting go of the fact that other people's opinions of me don't define my identity, and not replaying the situation in my head perpetuating my negative heart-mindset. Do I wallow... or do I give this self-doubt to the One who knows my heart an

Moving to Boston was probably the scariest and hardest thing I've done. It took me a long time to wrestle through what was happening in my heart and be able to step into this place where God has me (for now). Some of what I had to wrestle through here came up right before  we left. I realized that because I had known Indianapolis wasn't where we would settle down, I had unintentionally disengaged myself before I had even left. Yeah, I had friends... but only surface level. I didn't have a deep, accountable, bonded friendship. So when we came here and the only relationship I had was Nate, our marriage took a hit. I had no one to lean on here (except him, and there were things I wouldn't say; my lack of honesty was hard on both of us), and no one who missed me there to check in and stay connected. Three years later I realize this is a pattern. I am BAD at intentionally connecting with people in a deep way. I wait for people to reach out to me and that is selfish and they

I used to be able to say I didn't post political things on Facebook. Can't say that anymore. And even though there are so many things I'm passionate and knowledgable about, I feel helpless. As an older millennial, I get that Facebook is not the place for these conversations. But the problem is that's really the only place where I know people who (in my opinion) need to hear what I have to say; it's the only place where I'm comfortable to engage with people who engage with me. As a Christian, I'm called to engage wth my culture; to speak out against injustice, give a voice to the powerless. But more importantly, I'm also called to proclaim the amazing Good News of the gospel. And balance is hard, exhausting, and... scary. I'm realizing the Christianity has to be lived out to have any meaning. I can't just talk about the goodness of God when there are real things that need attention. I can't ignore injustice because truth is more important.