Living Open Handed

Resonating- that feeling you get when someone says something that is exactly what you were thinking and didn't know for sure how to say it. One of the hardest parts about moving to Boston was the feeling that I was in this alone. Yes, I had Nate, but that was it.* I struggled to connect to people at church and didn't feel like I fit in with my coworkers. I've realized now that a lot of it had to do with me and my unwillingness to connect. But it's hard to be 28 and move some place new and start over with new people. Insecurity is something I have dealt with more and more as I get older. I think I always struggled with it, but it took moving away from all my friends and family for me to truly see how big of an issue it was for me. It's really easy for me to get bogged down and worried about how I come across and whether or not others like me... but that robs me. It robs my joy, self esteem, friendships, and my marriage. And I think God let me go through this t...

One post a month isn't so bad... right? Or even every two months? But I really am grateful. And I'm recognizing my blessings. Boston is AWESOME. I'm finding that a lot of the things I hadn't enjoyed about living here I don't even notice anymore; they don't even bother me. Which has me thinking that maybe - just maybe - Boston hasn't actually changed... I have. Truth: I am beyond proud of my incredibly smart husband. He is truly at the right place to advance his career. I have no idea where he goes from here, but I can't wait to see how God uses his brains. Truth: I love my job. Yes, it's not full time. Yes, it's not the grade level I feel suited to. Yes, I'm not sure I want to stay in this school district. BUT. I do love what I do. Even though I have no idea where I end up, or how long I'm going to be in this job, I know that I am where I was supposed to be. Thank God that he can use me even when I don't want to be used and I...

Originally I had planned on only posting when I had something to add to my 1000 Gifts list. But that would mean two things: 1. I could potentially go for a long time without posting anything 2. I would actually have to look for things to be grateful for... And there it is. The hard part. I can say so many times that I am a grateful person, and that I have so much to be grateful for. So making a list of 1000 things should be no problem (especially for an avid list maker such as myself). And yet... this is only my second blog post, and it's been about two weeks. In my Bible reading this week I was reading in Judges and came across a very hard verse. To put into context what's going on here, the Israelites have entered the promised land. And, with Joshua's help, they have driven out the occupants, started to settle the land, and are beginning to enjoy peace from God. Except... they haven't done so great with driving out the occupants. For any number of r...

So for Christmas, my sister-in-law gave me the book 1000 Gifts.  The premise of the book is easy, but not simple: keep a gratitude journal of 1000 things to thank God for. And ever since I've started reading it, my brain and my heart have been trying to figure out what that looks like for me. Because, to be completely honest, I haven't been in a thankful place lately. No matter what I have portrayed, moving to Boston has been frustrating. I retreated into a selfish little hole, and now that I'm emerging, I find myself unsure how to pick up the pieces. Even though I don't need to earn love or salvation from God, how can I show Him that I get it? That I do know I can do better and  that I'm going to do better? So I'm starting here. With a blog of gratitude and thanks. By getting over my fear that I have nothing to be thankful for (because I do) and putting my heart out here. By sharing my thoughts, no matter who reads them, or how unorganized I think they are....