Living Open Handed

The title of my blog is "Living Open Handed." To me, this means being on the look out and paying attention to the blessings of God. It also means that I am not hanging onto them and selfishly keeping them for myself, but helping others notice them as well. As Christians, we cannot over simplify our beliefs. We cannot say that God's grace is only for us and those like us. We cannot dictate the terms of someone else's salvation. And that's a hard line...  We absolutely are called to lovingly help others see the sin in their lives. We absolutely are called to live like Jesus and obey His terms. But... we cannot say that someone's salvation is dependent on our approval. Because if we do that, we are no better than the Pharisees and their additions to the law. I am pro-life. I believe that all life is sacred and valued by God. I am positively heart broken over the millions of children that are murdered every year. I pray that God will change hearts and

So this week, Nate and I have been living in Boston for 1 year. It is unreal to me how much has happened since then. While I love living here, it is easily one of the hardest and most stressful things I have ever done to move here. Since I am reflective by nature (side effect of being an introverted extrovert and insecure), here are some things I have learned in this crazy awesome stressful year: 1. No matter how good you think you are at directions, a street map of Boston will always look like a plate of spaghetti. Seriously, just take the T. 2. Having a teaching license in three different states (2 now) is over rated. And, and! The license application process always gets harder, and always makes you feel like a show pony jumping through hoops. 3. It is no good trying to fake it when you aren't happy. Honesty is always better- better emotionally, better physically, better spiritually. God and your husband always know when you are lying. 4. Piggy backing off that, binge wat

I would love to be able to say that my job search is easier... but that would be a lie. This is so different from any other time I've had to look for a job. It's more competitive, and I just don't feel like I fit here. I send out application after application... and nothing. No interviews, no phone calls. Just the form email that says, "You along with several other applications were all considered. Unfortunately, you were not selected." I have had two interviews. One I wasn't excited about and one I was. And I am a countin'-chickens-before-they-hatch kind of girl... figuring out how to set up a room, planning lessons, imagining how I'll feel when I get "the call", how happy Nate will be... And the two good things that came from those two interviews just doesn't feel like enough anymore.  At the one I wasn't excited about, I received the nicest rejection email ever: "Just because you aren't a good fit for us, doe

As most of you know, I'm deep in the teaching job search. Which is growing my faith like crazy, and I love that part (really, only that part). And for a reason I can only explain as God, I have a huge peace through this process. The last time I did this (two years ago in Indianapolis), I was putting all my hopes in me and how awesome I thought I was. And, no surprise, I didn't get a job, but did get a big piece of humble pie. Which is why this peace I have now is too good to keep to myself. About a month ago, I found out there was unofficially a job opening at the school I work at now, in exactly the grade level I want to teach (5th), and I really liked the teachers who also taught that grade. But I wasn't exactly sure I even wanted to stay in this district, or even at that school. There were a lot of things I just wasn't used to, and I was worried I wouldn't be happy. So, I prayed about it- for clarity and specific direction. About two weeks later, I had a very

Resonating- that feeling you get when someone says something that is exactly what you were thinking and didn't know for sure how to say it. One of the hardest parts about moving to Boston was the feeling that I was in this alone. Yes, I had Nate, but that was it.* I struggled to connect to people at church and didn't feel like I fit in with my coworkers. I've realized now that a lot of it had to do with me and my unwillingness to connect. But it's hard to be 28 and move some place new and start over with new people. Insecurity is something I have dealt with more and more as I get older. I think I always struggled with it, but it took moving away from all my friends and family for me to truly see how big of an issue it was for me. It's really easy for me to get bogged down and worried about how I come across and whether or not others like me... but that robs me. It robs my joy, self esteem, friendships, and my marriage. And I think God let me go through this t

One post a month isn't so bad... right? Or even every two months? But I really am grateful. And I'm recognizing my blessings. Boston is AWESOME. I'm finding that a lot of the things I hadn't enjoyed about living here I don't even notice anymore; they don't even bother me. Which has me thinking that maybe - just maybe - Boston hasn't actually changed... I have. Truth: I am beyond proud of my incredibly smart husband. He is truly at the right place to advance his career. I have no idea where he goes from here, but I can't wait to see how God uses his brains. Truth: I love my job. Yes, it's not full time. Yes, it's not the grade level I feel suited to. Yes, I'm not sure I want to stay in this school district. BUT. I do love what I do. Even though I have no idea where I end up, or how long I'm going to be in this job, I know that I am where I was supposed to be. Thank God that he can use me even when I don't want to be used and I&

Originally I had planned on only posting when I had something to add to my 1000 Gifts list. But that would mean two things: 1. I could potentially go for a long time without posting anything 2. I would actually have to look for things to be grateful for... And there it is. The hard part. I can say so many times that I am a grateful person, and that I have so much to be grateful for. So making a list of 1000 things should be no problem (especially for an avid list maker such as myself). And yet... this is only my second blog post, and it's been about two weeks. In my Bible reading this week I was reading in Judges and came across a very hard verse. To put into context what's going on here, the Israelites have entered the promised land. And, with Joshua's help, they have driven out the occupants, started to settle the land, and are beginning to enjoy peace from God. Except... they haven't done so great with driving out the occupants. For any number of r

So for Christmas, my sister-in-law gave me the book 1000 Gifts.  The premise of the book is easy, but not simple: keep a gratitude journal of 1000 things to thank God for. And ever since I've started reading it, my brain and my heart have been trying to figure out what that looks like for me. Because, to be completely honest, I haven't been in a thankful place lately. No matter what I have portrayed, moving to Boston has been frustrating. I retreated into a selfish little hole, and now that I'm emerging, I find myself unsure how to pick up the pieces. Even though I don't need to earn love or salvation from God, how can I show Him that I get it? That I do know I can do better and  that I'm going to do better? So I'm starting here. With a blog of gratitude and thanks. By getting over my fear that I have nothing to be thankful for (because I do) and putting my heart out here. By sharing my thoughts, no matter who reads them, or how unorganized I think they are.