Living Open Handed

Walking with other commuters is one of the loudest quiets that exist. No one talks. No one. All you hear is the sound of dozens of feet on pavement, and maybe someone's music through their headphones. I live in one of the most unchurched cities in North America. Statistically, for every 5 people I meet, only 2 of them go to church regularly. The need for me to be Jesus is abundantly necessary. And yet... I say nothing. I can blame it on all sorts of things... I don't know what to say; asking a stranger how I can pray for them makes me sound crazy (or like I've been eavesdropping); they might not be a morning person; I'm not even sure they speak English; I'll never see this person again, so why does it matter? But I see the same eight or so people every day. And the truth? While all of those reasons are true, I'm scared of judgment and looking stupid. More than I'm scared of what could happen to the soul of the person I say nothing to. I wish I could say ...

"If you're offended by someone you aren't loving them by holding a grudge. Because you're allowing them to potentially hurt someone else the same way. You also aren't setting yourself up for success in relationships with other people by carrying it around." - From a friend, at our community group "But maybe God doesn’t have a name for each individual event that happens to us. He just calls it all good (Romans 8:28). Nothing in God’s will is isolated from the abundance He intends for us." -She Reads Truth; Advent 2015 Day 10 This year is already different than last year. Last year, I was trying to find a way to feel like myself again. Last year, I was stuck in unhealthy habits, physically and spiritually. But this year... I still have room for growth. God is showing me exactly what my sphere of influence is and how I need to function in it. I have been praying for God to put people into my life that need him. People who need me to show ...

The title of my blog is "Living Open Handed." To me, this means being on the look out and paying attention to the blessings of God. It also means that I am not hanging onto them and selfishly keeping them for myself, but helping others notice them as well. As Christians, we cannot over simplify our beliefs. We cannot say that God's grace is only for us and those like us. We cannot dictate the terms of someone else's salvation. And that's a hard line...  We absolutely are called to lovingly help others see the sin in their lives. We absolutely are called to live like Jesus and obey His terms. But... we cannot say that someone's salvation is dependent on our approval. Because if we do that, we are no better than the Pharisees and their additions to the law. I am pro-life. I believe that all life is sacred and valued by God. I am positively heart broken over the millions of children that are murdered every year. I pray that God will change hearts and ...

So this week, Nate and I have been living in Boston for 1 year. It is unreal to me how much has happened since then. While I love living here, it is easily one of the hardest and most stressful things I have ever done to move here. Since I am reflective by nature (side effect of being an introverted extrovert and insecure), here are some things I have learned in this crazy awesome stressful year: 1. No matter how good you think you are at directions, a street map of Boston will always look like a plate of spaghetti. Seriously, just take the T. 2. Having a teaching license in three different states (2 now) is over rated. And, and! The license application process always gets harder, and always makes you feel like a show pony jumping through hoops. 3. It is no good trying to fake it when you aren't happy. Honesty is always better- better emotionally, better physically, better spiritually. God and your husband always know when you are lying. 4. Piggy backing off that, binge wat...

I would love to be able to say that my job search is easier... but that would be a lie. This is so different from any other time I've had to look for a job. It's more competitive, and I just don't feel like I fit here. I send out application after application... and nothing. No interviews, no phone calls. Just the form email that says, "You along with several other applications were all considered. Unfortunately, you were not selected." I have had two interviews. One I wasn't excited about and one I was. And I am a countin'-chickens-before-they-hatch kind of girl... figuring out how to set up a room, planning lessons, imagining how I'll feel when I get "the call", how happy Nate will be... And the two good things that came from those two interviews just doesn't feel like enough anymore.  At the one I wasn't excited about, I received the nicest rejection email ever: "Just because you aren't a good fit for us, doe...

As most of you know, I'm deep in the teaching job search. Which is growing my faith like crazy, and I love that part (really, only that part). And for a reason I can only explain as God, I have a huge peace through this process. The last time I did this (two years ago in Indianapolis), I was putting all my hopes in me and how awesome I thought I was. And, no surprise, I didn't get a job, but did get a big piece of humble pie. Which is why this peace I have now is too good to keep to myself. About a month ago, I found out there was unofficially a job opening at the school I work at now, in exactly the grade level I want to teach (5th), and I really liked the teachers who also taught that grade. But I wasn't exactly sure I even wanted to stay in this district, or even at that school. There were a lot of things I just wasn't used to, and I was worried I wouldn't be happy. So, I prayed about it- for clarity and specific direction. About two weeks later, I had a very...

Resonating- that feeling you get when someone says something that is exactly what you were thinking and didn't know for sure how to say it. One of the hardest parts about moving to Boston was the feeling that I was in this alone. Yes, I had Nate, but that was it.* I struggled to connect to people at church and didn't feel like I fit in with my coworkers. I've realized now that a lot of it had to do with me and my unwillingness to connect. But it's hard to be 28 and move some place new and start over with new people. Insecurity is something I have dealt with more and more as I get older. I think I always struggled with it, but it took moving away from all my friends and family for me to truly see how big of an issue it was for me. It's really easy for me to get bogged down and worried about how I come across and whether or not others like me... but that robs me. It robs my joy, self esteem, friendships, and my marriage. And I think God let me go through this t...